I have alluded in past posts to getting in over our heads in 2006 with a home equity loan. The loan was to cover getting the house painted and landscaping.
That is pretty all true. But here’s what’s true(r): The landscaping part was mostly to get me to shut the hell up about the bleeping side yard. You would never know it to look upon the shameful, weedy, brown-grass scraggle that we call our yard (those parts not pictured), but I was once a serious OCD gardener.
That doesn’t mean I was all that good at it. I uprooted keepers and planted things that were sure to die. I could never get the hang of pruning, no matter how many times I studied the diagrams. Mostly I fretted, and weeded, and watered, and treated pilgrimages to local gardening stores like the Haj. I had organic smelly stuff I mixed by hand to spray on plants. I had nasty chemicals to spray the apple tree to prevent bug infestation. (Which I think I used once. Horribly horrible.) I knew the status of every plant in every bed at all times, and I approached the job of tending them as if they would kill us in our sleep if I did not.
Who knew I would have such mental problems? Before we bought the house, I had grown maybe a house plant. When we moved in, we had no idea it had so many established flower beds, raspberry bushes, fruit trees, and even grape vines. I saw all that stuff bloom, and I panicked — for four years.
Jungle 2006: Even worse than I remember!
The side yard, which lies to the south and gets the most sun all day long, and which was stuffed with raspberry bushes, yarro, strawberries, and God knows what else, was my Waterloo. After we had a baby, there was no way I could keep up with the weeding and whatnot. It quickly became an unpassable jungle.
The Fix in 2006
Who knows how long I harped on and on about it. I’m lucky I’m still married.
So. The tide of black ink I poured into Bachmann’s cash registers, that purple circus of hell, was finally stanched. First, by a baby, and then another.
I am thankful for children for many reasons, but here’s one I wasn’t expecting — they have helped me to chill the fuck out, slow down, and appreciate what I have. Okay, maybe not the gigantic pile of weeds that has since popped up in another area (also not pictured). But I’m letting it ride.
And, of course, their existence has made it impossible to keep spending money on things that not only do not matter, but do not make anyone happy.
Tonight I did venture, ever so tentatively, into the side yard, which is bent on returning to its natural jungle state.
2009: Return of the Jungle?
(Seriously, is there anything greedier than a plant? If you have ever pruned a bush that has quadrupled in size in six weeks, or tried to eradicate hedge bindweed — that unstoppable serial strangler — you know what I’m talking about. Let’s all take a moment of silence to acknowledge from whence we spring.)
The kids were glad to help me pull some weeds, play with the sprinkler, and take a whack at pruning. Just before or after the bud? Well, whatever.
Snap.
It’ll probably grow back.
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Tags: garden · OCD · side yard2 Comments
i will probably read this post a few more times – i laughed out loud all the way through it – serious laughter, high-pitched. tears, too. i had no idea you had garden/yard-induced ocd. you tend to slip away distractedly when i’m outside with you – i find you weeding – but i chalked it up to the similar way you slip away while inside too.
I find gardening so overwhelming and exhausting. We even paid someone to come clean up a big messy garden and spray his nasty chemicals on it. A few weeks later it was choked with weeds again.